if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
