today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
