If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
