i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
