I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
