The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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