There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i need to put some appletini on your dick
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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