I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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