you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
