PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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