Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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