the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
