Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
