my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize