$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
