I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You are the jesus of drinking
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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