You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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