does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
