forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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