i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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