i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
