Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
