I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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