You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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