Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
