My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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