She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
