How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
