i already hear my dad disowning me
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
