OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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