My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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