Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
