oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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