You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
