I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i was born a porn star she said
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
