I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
