Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
