i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
