Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
