Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
