I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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