what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
