I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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