Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
