If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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