We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
