grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
