just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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