i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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