cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
