thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
