I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
