Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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