Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
