just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
