you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
