It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i drank out of a bidet.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
