They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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