Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
