4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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