awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
