I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
