hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
