I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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