I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
