it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
