forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
