brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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