was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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