I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize