its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
