I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
