hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
