Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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