I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
