Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
