And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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