She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
