If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
