and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
