I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize