Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
