He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
