Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
