I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
