are you so shy because you have an std?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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