life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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