So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
