Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I am available for nakedness
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
