why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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