We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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