non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I have post one night stand depression
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