I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
