maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
