just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
