So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
