i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
