Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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