Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
