Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
