I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize