During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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