I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
operation harelip BJ is a go
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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