Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
