hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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