Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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