KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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