Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize