Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
