I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
