He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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