we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
